But since you brought it up! Hmmm...
That IS a provocative idea. Imagine what a "socialized" system of self-storage would look like.
Let's see. Anytime you needed a storage unit or an RV space, you'd simply call up your local self-storage precinct manager, who would then call his local self-storage district supervisor, who would then call his regional self-storage coordinator, who would then call the National Commissioner of Self-Storage in Washington, D.C., who would then call the Secretary of Self-Storage Services and RV Parking (the "storage czar"), to see what size or sizes of storage unit (or RV space) were available in your storage zone, as well as which ones you qualified for based on a standardized set of criteria and protocols established by the President's Commission on Mini-Storage and the Bureau of Mini-Storage/Self-Storage Standards.
Not that you would have to pay for any of this convenience. Oh, no, no, no, of course not! That's the whole idea behind UNIVERSAL SELF-STORAGE. It's FREE! Because, brother (or sister), you have a RIGHT to whatever storage space you really need (subject, of course, to approval from the PCMS and BMSSSS). You're entitled to self-storage! It's guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution (or it would be if my proposed Eleventh Amendment to the Bill of Rights were adopted--see my July 3rd posting below!).
What? You say you CAN'T AFFORD a storage space? THAT'S THE POINT! You'll never be denied storage if you truly need it (again, based on a determination by the President's Commission using their national standards and protocols for determining "need"). You'll never be rejected for the purely economic reason that you don't have the money to pay for it. That would be cruel! That would be unthinkable! That would be--the way we do it now!
No, no, this is a system of universal access where EVERYONE would enjoy the benefits of affordable, single-payor, one-size-fits-all (sorry, poor choice of words there) self-storage, regardless of their ability to pay! It would eliminate all the inequities of the current system. It's a win-win for everybody!
Now, the ONLY flaw I see in this is that EVERYONE would be trying to get a storage space since, after all, it's FREE! This would create a serious and massive backlog due to burgeoning demand. That in turn would lead to a rationing of storage space due to limited availability (and also due to strict federal controls imposed on the facilities to ensure fairness and equitable distribution of space and of qualified storage providers). So some would get the space they wanted. And some (perhaps most) would not. And EVERYONE would have to wait a LONG, LONG TIME to get their storage space! Shortages. Waiting periods. Reduced quality. Abuse, fraud, waste, mismanagement. (Hey, no system is perfect!)
Now, the ONLY flaw I see in this is that EVERYONE would be trying to get a storage space since, after all, it's FREE! This would create a serious and massive backlog due to burgeoning demand. That in turn would lead to a rationing of storage space due to limited availability (and also due to strict federal controls imposed on the facilities to ensure fairness and equitable distribution of space and of qualified storage providers). So some would get the space they wanted. And some (perhaps most) would not. And EVERYONE would have to wait a LONG, LONG TIME to get their storage space! Shortages. Waiting periods. Reduced quality. Abuse, fraud, waste, mismanagement. (Hey, no system is perfect!)
Anyway.... Seemed like a good idea at the time!
Well, we REALLY DON'T do storage that way! We REALLY DO have ALL DIFFERENT SIZES available, and you REALLY CAN GET ONE RIGHT NOW at an AFFORDABLE rental rate, and you REALLY CAN MOVE INTO IT RIGHT AWAY! (just as soon as I chase all the roaches, rats, spiders and snakes out--just kidding again, calm down)!
Take a look at the side bar to the right, and see all our storage rates and sizes (and CURRENT SPECIALS!) ------->>
And then perform your civic duty as a patriotic citizen of these United States and COME IN to Arizona Storage Inns on Warner Road and Arizona Avenue in Chandler today and exercise your Unalienable Right to Self-Storage with us! (Or else exercise that right at ANOTHER storage facility. But DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK! The choice is YOURS!)
That's why they call it (that's why I call it!), "Freedom of Storage!"
Hey, is this a great country or what?
Your Manager, Laboring in the Noble Cause of Self-Storage for the Masses,
Paul
1 comments:
Now that's a politically-correct post!
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