On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Nine ways of paying,
Eight feet of ceiling,
Seven days of access,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
Three plastic bins,
Two pairs of gloves,
And a storage unit with a lock and key.
"Nine Ways of Paying"
Yes, indeed. If your true love isn't sure how or what is the best way to pay that monthly storage bill that he or she has just committed himself to for your brand new storage unit, let me help you out here:
1. We take credit cards and debit cards--so long as they have the ubiquitous Visa or Mastercard logo (otherwise, no can do!)
2. We take personal checks, business checks, bank drafts, cashier's checks and money orders--we're flexible!
3. We take CASH--so long as the appropriately denominated bills pass our rigorous, anti-counterfeiting examination procedures!
And as far as getting your critically important rental funds into our coffers, so that we may correctly give credit where credit is due...
4. You can pay your bill in person.
5. You can PAY ONLINE using our secure server via access on our website, https://chandler.azstorage.com/webxpress/
6. You can come in the wee hours of the morning or late in the gloom of night, or on a Sunday or major holiday or even during regular business hours when you're in a HUGE hurry and you just want to throw your money at us, you can leave your payment in our convenient night drop.
7. You can mail your payment to us using the U.S. Postal Service.
8. You can even have your payment automatically deducted from a credit or debit card on file--that you have previously authorized in writing (see customer-focused manager for details).
9. Or you can call us and have us charge that debit or credit card on file--that you have previously authorized in writing (see customer-focused manager for details).
There you have it. Nine ways of paying. Did I leave anything out? (I hope not, otherwise I'll have to rewrite this part of the song!)
"Eight Feet of Ceiling"
Now I was hoping you wouldn't ask me about this line.
Well, that one is what we non-songwriters like to call a throw-away line!
Can you guess what it refers to?
Right. Eight-foot ceilings in the storage units. Creative, huh? Yes, that's why we call them "throw-away lines" (and why I am NOT gainfully employed as a songwriter)!
I'll be back to bring this a little closer to a merciful ending.
Your Manager, Paul
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