The Twelve Days of Storage--Day Twelve! (A Christmas Carol :)

FINALLY! THE LAST STANZA!

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Twelve kinds of boxes,
Eleven hours a-packing,
Ten renters renting,
Nine ways of paying,
Eight feet of ceiling,
Seven days of access,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
Three plastic bins,
Two pairs of gloves,
And a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Twelve Kinds of Boxes"

You know, I've already resigned myself to the fact that this song will NOT be winning any originality awards.

That's okay. At this point I just want to git 'er done!

So without further ado, I give you, The Last and Final Stanza (see above).

Yeah, but... "Twelve kinds of boxes?" What's up with that?

Look, how many times do I have to tell you? THIS IS A STORAGE BUSINESS!

What could be more logical and appropriate than a line about BOXES?

Besides, we really do have TWELVE kinds of boxes. Everything from one cubic foot (12" x 12" x 12") on up to the big wardrobe boxes (21" x 24" 48"). So I'm NOT exaggerating!

Wherefore I attest that this entire song has been composed and compiled with the utmost clarity, transparency and consistency. Moreover, the thread and substance of our entire business enterprise has been woven ingeniously throughout these carefully crafted verses.

Need I say more? No.

So I won't.

Well, that's all 'til next Christmas. Now it's time to think of a good New Years Eve song to sing.

(How about, "Should old file boxes be forgot, and never moved again...!")

Maybe not.

Have a safe and Happy New Year!

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage--Day Eleven (A Christmas Carol :)

WAIT! We're NOT finished with Christmas yet....

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Eleven hours a-packing,
Ten renters renting,
Nine ways of paying,
Eight feet of ceiling,
Seven days of access,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
Three plastic bins,
Two pairs of gloves,
And a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Eleven Hours a-Packing"

I know what some of you are saying.

"ELEVEN HOURS of packing!--IS THAT ALL?"

"That's how long it took me just to clean out my refrigerator!"

Still others of you are saying, "Eleven hours of packing!--WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? All I have is a sofa with no cushions, a chair with no seat and a table with no legs."

(You see? That's what happens when you hire the wrong moving company! But I digress.)

And a few of you are saying, "Eleven hours of packing? What a coincidence! Why, that's EXACTLY how long it took me to pack for my last move! What an insightful song this is!" (Music to my ears)

The rest of you naysayers (all three of you) are saying, "Eleven hours a-packing?--what a RIDICULOUSLY LAME, UNIMAGINATIVE verse to put in a Christmas song!"

Ah, but that's where you're wrong, my friend...

This song is all about STORAGE, remember? (Check the title again!)

Anyway, we'll be back for Day Twelve and get this thing over with.

Your Manager, Paul

WHY CHRISTMAS MATTERS!............................

(This was originally posted yesterday on Craigslist)

With all the hoopla and madness of SHOPPING and GIFT-GIVING and cooking and baking and everything else that we do in a HURRY this time of year (all GOOD things by the way), it’s easy to forget what the whole Christmas holiday is all about.

In a word, (not to insult your intelligence as though you’ve never HEARD this before!) it’s about the birth of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, in fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy, and his coming into the world, as the angel told Mary and Joseph, to “save his people from their sins.” (Gospel of Matthew ch. 1, verse 21)

That means just one thing.

The message of Christmas is, was and always will be, a UNIVERSAL MESSAGE OF HOPE, JOY, DELIVERANCE and PEACE with God--an INVITATION to a new life of HAPPINESS and fulfillment, regardless of circumstances--FOR ALL TIME & ETERNITY, offered to EVERYONE that’s willing to hear it, in every age, every culture, every country—naturally, including YOU!

“For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (Gospel of John ch. 3, verse 16)

Self-storage is a great and convenient and useful thing to have and provide and make available to folks (like you perhaps!) that need it and want it. And I do love and appreciate my work here as a self-storage manager at ARIZONA STORAGE INNS – CHANDLER.

But what’s most important to me, personally, is that ordinary people like you and me, i.e., those whom I serve (and those I work with) in this business, come to their own understanding and decision to EMBRACE this most WONDERFUL and glorious bit of “good news” anybody could ever hear--the INCOMPARABLE, POWERFUL and INCREDIBLY TRANSFORMING grace of God in His making available such a simple and FREE (no charge to you!) way for every one of us--however “messed up” we might be at the moment!--to get a “fresh start” and a new life from Him by believing in His Son Jesus, committing our lives personally to Him, asking Him to forgive our sins, and begin living a RICH, SATISFYING, FULFILLING & REWARDING life—even if we remain POOR and ANONYMOUS all our lives and never become one of the “RICH and FAMOUS”!

Well, you can still be “RICH” (and "POWERFUL") and "FAMOUS" in God's eyes (i.e., your name written in the LAMB'S BOOK OF LIFE (Revelation ch. 21, verse 27), and have “TREASURE” beyond measure because of Christ Jesus and what He’s done and who He is. (He owns EVERYTHING after all since He is KING OF KINGS and LORD OF LORDS!)

I’m nobody special. But I do know that years ago I was a “lost soul” before God opened my eyes to the LIBERATING, PENETRATING TRUTH of His Gospel. And now I have my sins forgiven (on a daily basis!), and PEACE with Him through His Son. And I have ETERNAL LIFE (though I never deserved it and still don’t) with Him and his saints, that MASSIVE number of other believers whom He has called and chosen to salvation “before the foundation of the world”, just like me, who are and will be in heaven forever, only because He promised that to us who will simply BELIEVE (faith) in what He says.

Anyway, I just hope if you read this, you, too, will have your heart and eyes opened to this SIMPLE yet POWERFUL truth of God’s Word found in the Bible, like I did. Believe me, there’s nothing better than having a NEW HEART and a NEW MIND and a NEW LIFE given to you for FREE by your Creator!

God bless you and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage--Day Ten (A Christmas Carol :)

On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Ten renters renting,
Nine ways of paying,
Eight feet of ceiling,
Seven days of access,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
Three plastic bins,
Two pairs of gloves,
And a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Ten Renters Renting"

This line needs no explanation, elaboration or commentary by me. (But you're going to get it anyway!)

Renters renting is a very good thing for our business. We don't thrive and it certainly doesn't do YOU any good to have a place where all you find are a bunch of hyperactive lords a-leaping, raising a ruckus (and not renting storage space).

Neither is it good for a business like ours that purports to be a clean, "quiet" place to store your things, for you to show up and find Party Central with the driveways blocked by ladies dancing, pipers piping, drummers drumming, the whole bit. (But you know, that might not be a bad marketing event to have in the front parking lot! Hmmmm.)

Nope. Our bread and butter is, was and always be, renters renting.

So to share a little Christmas cheer, we will now be mailing to your true love, ten (count 'em, TEN) $20.00 referral checks as a way of saying 'thank you' for those "ten renters renting" that he (or is it she?) sent to us.

("Ten checks a-cashing!")

Be back with days Eleven and Twelve.

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage, Days Eight and Nine (A Christmas Carol :)

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Nine ways of paying,
Eight feet of ceiling,
Seven days of access,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
Three plastic bins,
Two pairs of gloves,
And a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Nine Ways of Paying"

Yes, indeed. If your true love isn't sure how or what is the best way to pay that monthly storage bill that he or she has just committed himself to for your brand new storage unit, let me help you out here:

1. We take credit cards and debit cards--so long as they have the ubiquitous Visa or Mastercard logo (otherwise, no can do!)
2. We take personal checks, business checks, bank drafts, cashier's checks and money orders--we're flexible!
3. We take CASH--so long as the appropriately denominated bills pass our rigorous, anti-counterfeiting examination procedures!

And as far as getting your critically important rental funds into our coffers, so that we may correctly give credit where credit is due...

4. You can pay your bill in person.
5. You can PAY ONLINE using our secure server via access on our website, https://chandler.azstorage.com/webxpress/
6. You can come in the wee hours of the morning or late in the gloom of night, or on a Sunday or major holiday or even during regular business hours when you're in a HUGE hurry and you just want to throw your money at us, you can leave your payment in our convenient night drop.
7. You can mail your payment to us using the U.S. Postal Service.
8. You can even have your payment automatically deducted from a credit or debit card on file--that you have previously authorized in writing (see customer-focused manager for details).
9. Or you can call us and have us charge that debit or credit card on file--that you have previously authorized in writing (see customer-focused manager for details).

There you have it. Nine ways of paying. Did I leave anything out? (I hope not, otherwise I'll have to rewrite this part of the song!)

"Eight Feet of Ceiling"

Now I was hoping you wouldn't ask me about this line.

Well, that one is what we non-songwriters like to call a throw-away line!

Can you guess what it refers to?

Right. Eight-foot ceilings in the storage units. Creative, huh? Yes, that's why we call them "throw-away lines" (and why I am NOT gainfully employed as a songwriter)!

I'll be back to bring this a little closer to a merciful ending.

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage, Day Seven (A Christmas Carol :)

What? Is it Day Seven already? (We'd better write something QUICK, eh!)

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Seven days of access,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
three plastic bins,
two pairs of gloves,
and a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Seven Days of Access?" (Request for Clarification!)

Okay, assuming the check that your true love wrote to pay for this storage unit doesn't bounce and your account remains in good standing, you, my dear seasonal tenant, have seven-days-a-week access to your unit through Santa's main gates.

But of course, (see Day Six admonition)...

...once that "six weeks a-staying" runs out--and your true love hasn't ponied up any more rent money--your gate access becomes HISTORY! (Sorry, I don't make the rules. I only ENFORCE them.)

So in the meantime, enjoy your "seven days of access" while you can! And when we say seven days a week, i.e., every day including Sundays and holidays, we mean it.

Which means,...

"Yes, Virginia, there is gate access on Christmas!"

Day Eight coming next week!

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage, Day Six (A Christmas Carol :)

Moving forward to the half-way point:

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me,
Six weeks a-staying,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
three plastic bins,
two pairs of gloves,
and a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Six Weeks a-Staying?" Please explain!

Look, it isn't hard to figure out.
Your true love only paid for a month and a half of rent on your storage unit, sooooooo....

Unless he or she coughs up the rest of the second month, you're only staying SIX WEEKS! Get it?

Hey, I kind of like this songwriting thing. It's FUN!

See you on Day Seven.

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage, Days Four & Five (A Christmas Carol :)

Let's see, where were we...

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me,
FIVE OLD BOX SPRINGS! (Thanks, true love)
Four falling lamps,
three plastic bins,
two pairs of gloves,
and a storage unit with a lock and key.

Sorry about the falling lamps, but you know, I told you not to stand them up on top of the box springs!

Not to worry, though. You still have seven more days to see what other COOL STUFF you might be getting. (Please, try not to break anything.)

Stay tuned for day SIX!

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage (A Christmas Carol :)

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me,
three plastic bins,
two pairs of gloves,
and a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Three Plastic Bins?"

Hey, cut me some slack. I'm a storage manager not a songwriter!

Anyway, I'm just trying to preserve the melodic cadence of the original so that this one at least turns out to be somewhat SINGABLE when it's all done (by Christmas)!

Besides, what could be more appropriate for a storage-related song than a line about plastic bins?

I rest my case. Fourth stanza forthcoming...

Your Musically-Challenged Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage (A Christmas Carol :)

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me,
two pairs of gloves,
and a storage unit with a lock and key.

"Two Pairs of Gloves"

You're probably wondering what those are for.

They're work gloves. Like the kind you buy at Ace Hardware.

So what are they for?

What else--for moving all the furniture and boxes into said True Love's true love's newly acquired storage unit, at ARIZONA STORAGE INNS - CHANDLER! (I don't know their names, personally, so we have to stick with poetic aliases!)

I'll be back with the third stanza.

Your Manager, Paul

The Twelve Days of Storage (a Christmas Carol)...

Okay, everybody remember the words to this one?--

"On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me,
a storage unit with a lock and key."

(Clever, no?)

What? You haven't heard this version before?

Well, that's because I'm still writing it!

Anyway, stay tuned for the other eleven stanzas!

Your Manager, Paul